Mother Dearest
by MiserablyHappy
Summary: Clyde loved his mother, he really did, just not so much when she was embarrassing and accusing him of untrue things. Especially in front of his best friend. Rated T for swear words.


I'm not really sure why I wrote this. Probably because I realized I haven't wrote anything in a while and felt bad...so here is my failed attempt at comedy.

Disclaimer: South Park and all it's characters belong to Trey Parker and Matt Stone. I was just butchering them.

* * *

"It's very nice to have you over for dinner, Token, I feel like we haven't seen you in ages. Isn't that right, Dear?" Mrs. Donovan said as she smiled at her son and his friend. Her husband didn't bother to look up from the newspaper he was reading and made a noncommittal grunt.

Token grinned as he helped himself to some Tacos. "It's nice to be here, Mrs. D." Clyde rolled his eyes and took a few more bites out of his dinner. Token was always on his best behavior around his parents.

"I can't believe you guys are going to be seniors next year! Have you thought of any colleges you want to go to? Clyde has already been accepted to a few colleges thanks to his football." Mrs. Donovan pinched her son's cheek, who gave her a glare, and she smiled at Token. Token just laughed at his friend's face and Clyde regretted inviting his friend over for dinner.

"Mooooom! I'm not a little kid, knock it off." Mrs. Donovan chuckled as Clyde rubbed his cheek. She sat there quietly for a short time before speaking again. Her mouth forming a smile as she looked at her son.

"Honey, I know it isn't my business to ask, but I heard Liane talking about it and it sparked my curiosity." Clyde gave his mom a blank look as Token leaned forward, obviously interested in what ever Mrs. Donovan was about to ask. "When you and Craig are together who...how would I say it? Tops? Pitches? Dominates?"

Clyde's whole face turned red and he gave his mom a look mixed between embarrassment and horror as he gagged on his dinner. Token's eyes brightened and he grinned as he now nudged his gagging friend in the rib.

"Yeah, Clyde, give us an answer." Clyde quickly glared at his friend and elbowed him. He then turned to his mom with a firm frown.

"Mother, Craig and I are not together." He hissed out as Token laughed while he rubbed the spot where Clyde had elbowed him. Mrs. Donovan blinked.

"Oh. I'm so sorry, honey. Did that nervous boy get to him first? Do I need to go kick his ass?" Clyde muttered something angrily and looked over at his dad for help.

"Dad! Do something!" He whined. Token was watching all of this with an amused expression.

"Martha, leave him be. If he doesn't want to tell you he gets rammed in the ass, he doesn't want to tell you." Clyde made a sound between a whimper and a groan as he banged his head on the table. Mrs. Donovan blinked. Token put an arm around Clyde and grinned.

"You _have _to invite me over for dinner more often, buddy."

"Shut up." Clyde whined as he tried and failed to shrug out of Token's hold.

"We would love to have you over for dinner anytime, Token. You can come whenever you want." Mrs. Donovan said excitedly. "Clyde-Baby, doesn't invite people over very often." Token smiled.

"Thank you, Mrs. D. I would love to come over more often."

"I hate you all." Clyde pouted. Mrs. Donovan blinked before clapping her hands together once.

"Not Craaaiiig." Mrs. Donovan sang. Token chuckled as Clyde yelled at his Mom to knock it off. Mr. Donovan continued to read the newspaper not even blinking.

After dinner, Mrs. Donovan had convinced everyone into going into the mall, where a new restaurant with 'The most delicious desserts you have ever tasted, Clyde, honey.' had opened, according to Mrs. Donovan. Token had immediately accepted the offer to go and so the four of them were now walking around, trying to find their target.

"I'm so glad we were able to include you in our family tonight, Token." Mrs. Donovan said happily as she tried to get Clyde to hold her hand. Clyde jerked his hand away and took two steps closer to his Dad.

"Mom, I'm the quarterback of the football team, I do not hold hands with my Mother, do you know how much crap I would get for it?"

"Awww, my poor little baby is embarrassed." Mrs. Donovan said as she reached up to ruffle Clyde's messy brown hair. He pouted.

"Mom! Why don't you go adopt another little kid or something. Shit." Token, once again found himself chuckling and patted Clyde's back.

"I would never love any kid as much as I love you. When I saw your beautiful almond eyes right after I gave birth, I knew you would always be my baby." Mrs. Donovan said right before she kissed Clyde's cheek. Clyde sighed and Token made a cooing sound which immediately got him punched in the arm.

"Martha, the kids taller than me, you can't go on treating him like a baby." Mr. Donovan said in his bored voice as he continued to read the newspaper, somehow maneuvering himself out of the way of obstacles without even looking up.

"If he was a baby, I would change his diapers."

"I don't wear diapers!" Clyde shouted.

"Of course you don't, Sweetie, you aren't like your Uncle Billy." Token leaned against his friend, laughing too hard to support himself. Clyde continued to scowl at his mom who waggled her fingers at him cheerfully.

"Oh, honey, is that Craig? We should get his attention." Clyde looked up in horror to confirm his mother's statement. He took a step back, hoping he could run off before Craig noticed him and came over.

However, he wasn't expecting, when he took that step back, Token would have nothing supporting him and would fall. More specifically he would fall, try to grab onto something, only succeed in knocking over a jewelry stand, twist around and fall right under Clyde with his arms wrapped around Clyde's right leg. Token was still laughing as he lay there, sprawled out on the floor, resting his head on Clyde's shoe.

Mrs. Donovan blinked and looked at the jewelry stand owner, who was screaming something in Spanish and pointing at Token repeatedly.

Clyde stood there for a moment, embarrassed, before helping his friend up. Token was now laughing a lot less and rubbing his nose.

"Eres un hijo santo de un ganso." Mrs. Donovan said while smiling reassuringly. She turned to her husband. "Don't worry, I just told her we would pay for the damages."

Mr. Donovan flipped the newspaper's page. "Hmmm."

Clyde let his parents deal with the screaming woman as he watched Craig walk over to him with a questioning look. He attempted to step behind Token but, Token just pushed him out towards Craig.

"Hey." Clyde said awkwardly as Token grinned and waved to Craig. Craig flipped Token off.

"What the Hell did you do? Dumbass." Craig asked as he surveyed what was left of the jewelry stand.

"Token, not me."

"Me? You're the one who moved-"

"Don't lean on me then." Clyde interrupted, a scowl on his face.

"You're just pissy because your parents think your fucking Craig." Token taunted. And than grinned over at Craig, trying to see the other boy's reaction.

"Dude, shut up!"

"What?" Craig asked now looking over at Clyde's parents who were indeed watching them. Mrs. Donovan was making kissing motions as she pointed at Clyde and then Craig while Mr. Donovan gave Clyde the thumbs up before he turned his attention back to the angry shop keeper. A look of understanding fell on Craig's face as he watched Mrs. Donovan.

"You're such a bitch, Token." Clyde said as he glared at his friend.

"I'm not the one who gets dominated by Craig."

"I do not!" Clyde said embarrassed and defensive.

Craig looked back over at Clyde and Token. He smirked and got closer to Clyde. He put his arm around the other's waist and pulled him closer to him. Clyde turned even redder.

"Not _yet_, you don't." Token stared at them before grinning.

"Dude, I _knew _it. I knew you two liked each other."

"Awww, this is so perfect! I'm so glad Clyde won't get AIDS from random men buddies!" Mrs. Donovan said as she jumped up and down, clapper her hands. "Are you still not going to tell me who has what position because I need to report back to your father, he's certain Craig is the domi-"

"I have mores muscle and I'm stronger! Why the Hell does everyone assume I'm the one who takes it? Besides we're not even together!" Clyde whined while trying to push Craig off him. Token chuckled. Mrs. Donovan blinked.

"Because I don't cry and whine like a little girl." Craig hissed as he refused to let go of Clyde.

"No offense, but I'm outta here, I don't wanna be here when Craig rapes Clyde. Expect me over for dinner tomorrow, Mrs. D." Token said before walking out really fast.

Mrs. Donovan smiled. "Of course, Token, I'll be happy to have you." She looked over at Craig and forced a stern expression on to her face. "Take care of my baby boy, Craig Tucker, or I will kick your ass."

"Absolutely." Craig grunted as he wrestled with Clyde. Clyde was winning and had Craig in a headlock. Mrs. Donovan, pleased with the answer walked back to her husband who was in a screaming match with the shop keeper, who had apparently ripped up his newspaper.

"Get off." Clyde whined as let go of Craig and shoved him away from him.

Craig snarled at him. "Stop being such a bitch and just talk to me."

Clyde sighed and wiped his eyes.

"Aw, shit, are you crying? Come on, Clyde, don't cry." Clyde immediately glared at him and Craig could see that he was indeed crying. "Clyde, come here."

"No!" Craig flipped him off and marched over to the other boy. Clyde made a cry of protest and tried to roughly shove Craig off as said boy hugged him. "Craaaiiiggg! Go away."

"If I let you top, will you stop being such a bitch?" Clyde immediately stopped trying to shove Craig off and looked up at him. Craig let go and fixed his hat.

"Really?"

"Fuck no."

"Craig!" Clyde whined. "You're such a dick." Craig rolled his eyes and gave him the finger.

"My parents and sister are out of town. My house is empty. Come over?" Clyde turned red and shook his head and Craig glared at him. This continued until Clyde finally got tired of it.

"Okay." He mumbled, embarrassed as he looked down at the tile of the mall.

"Okay?" Craig asked, a devious smile forming. He took a step towards the other boy.

"Okay." Clyde confirmed. Mrs. Donovan looked over to see Craig and Clyde disappear out the entrance of the mall. She looked over at Mr. Donovan, who had managed to make the shop keeper feel bad and pay _them_.

"Awww, I was hoping they would eat dessert with us." Mrs. Donovan said, obviously disappointed.

"I was hoping I would be able to read the whole damn sports section, but that didn't happen did it?"

* * *

What did you think? I'll try and add more description and other characters next time. Review if you like it. :)


End file.
